I have several announcements in the wake of Tuesday’s election.
What’s gonna fix this website is change, and by that I mean an update — and that’s what I have tonight, in the form of new Long Island IDs, thanks to Matt Seinberg and his bigappleairchecks.com.
I am pleased to announce that all members of the previous administration will stay in their roles in the new administration: Fybush will remain Secretary Of Geeking, Jeff will be Secretary Of Small-To-Medium Sized Towers In Small Spaces, Lou has Secretary Of Fantasy Football, and in the most important gig of all, Thompson remains Secretary Of Defense, which is pretty much limited to protecting us from Hoosiers (whatever the hell a “hoosier” is).
On an apparently related note (although I’m not sure how), The Lovely Mrs. Tophour and I already have three dogs, we will not be looking for another dog, especially since regular houseguests like my mother-in-law and Malia Obama are allergic to the ones we already have.
Today’s terror alert is chartreuse.
A “Hoosier” has no universally accepted meaning or etymology.
Saturday’s terror alert is fuchsia. And, after having watched WarGames for the billionth time last night, I will move TopHour back to DEFCON 5.
All the more reason why we need protection from them.
Three dogs? Wow…and we thought Freckles (plus, of course, the two kids) was a handful…
Sunday’s terror alert, of course, is white and Aviation Orange, in alternating bands.
Two’s okay. The third is a killer.
Here’s a hint: if you ever see an abandoned dog at the dog park, take him to a shelter and then ignore your conscience. Otherwise, you’ll end up much like us.
I think you can take dogs to hospitals in Nebraska under the “safe barking law.”
Sunday’s terror alert reminds me of these important messages:
1. The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.
2. Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ’em yak ’em.